Short Story ~ Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After a few hours of actual work I figure out how I am going to narrow down the guys. I am going to find a way to interact with them directly and casually ask questions, it’s going to be so easy. The first obvious choice is Owen; since we already have a close friendship I’ll start with him and see if he wants to have lunch today. I send him a quick email.

Owen,

Hey what’s going on today? Do you want to have lunch? I heard Chili’s has an awesome deal. Let me know.

Abby

That’s not too bad, casual and completely within our normal realm of friendship. What am I going to say if he says yes, how can I ask him without asking him and letting him know my intentions. Oh my, what if it is him, am I ready to go down this path. All of a sudden I have lost whatever confidence I started with this morning. The prospect of meeting my Mystery Man in the flesh and knowing who he is has actually made me very nervous. My stomach is in knots and I have an overwhelming feeling to leave, to go home and hide under my covers. I realize its one thing to correspond through email but to face my admirer is the most terrifying thing I have had to do in many years. Realizing I was on the verge of a panic attack I rushed to the bathroom to compose myself.

After what felt like an eternity, Carla comes into the bathroom, “Hey Abby, are you okay? I saw you run in here a while ago.”

“Oh, Carla, thanks but I am okay, I think I may have had a bad pineapple or something. My stomach is a little upset” I try to sound as put together as I can.

“I think I have some pepto if you need it, it’s at my desk. I’ll be right back”

Before I could tell her no she was out the door. I grab some paper towel and try to blot the sweat off of my forehead. Somehow, I’ve managed to slow my breathing and adjust my dress back to normal just as she came back.

“Here you go sweetie, I’m sure it wasn’t the pineapple. I’ve had five pieces myself” she’s almost accusing when she says it.

“Maybe you’re right; I did have some other junk this morning” in reality I don’t think I really ate anything, I was on a mission. She hands me the pink bottle of chalk…or Pepto, depends on your opinion of the stuff and I take a chug to appease her and keep my lie intact.

“I hope that helps, if you need anything let me know, I’d better get back. And by the way, nice Lei, I didn’t seem them handing out the nice ones this morning” and with that she leaves me alone again. I wash my hands for what can only be the tenth time and go back to my desk.

I had not even settled back to my desk when Owen stops by and lightly knocks on my cubicle wall.

“Hey Abby, you still up for lunch?” he was almost too quiet to hear.

“Of course Owen, I wouldn’t have asked only to turn around and cancel!”

“Can you go now? I have to be back for a one o’clock meeting with some new vendor, trying to sell me more useless software” he seems a bit nervous, or maybe I am so nervous I am projecting onto him. Who knows?

“Sure, let me grab my purse, who’s driving?”

“Me of course, you drive like a maniac” he said it with so much conviction and gives me a clue, he knows how I drive…good to know.

“Whatever Owen, I’m not a bad driver. Let’s go!”

When we get out to the parking lot his truck is not hard to spot. I think he drives a ford but I don’t really know or care for that matter. It’s black with black tinted windows, it sort of looks like trouble of course if trouble was a truck. The fact that it is the only truck in the lot makes me laugh. He doesn’t really use it for the purpose intended but you can’t take farm boy out of him just because he is in sunny California. He’s not really a farm boy but the town he grew up in was more ‘down south’ than anything and I think it was required that every person drove a truck.

The drive was silent, I found myself thinking about what my life would be like if the Mystery man turned out to be Owen. Would he care for my kids as if they were his own? Would he be a good fit into our lives? We get along great but, is that enough? I’ve haven’t thought of anyone other than Adam in that way. I don’t know if I can think of Owen as a potential lover I only see him as a brother, or at least I have until very recently. I hope this lunch might be able to help shed some light on my feelings about him.

We get to Chili’s in about ten minutes and are able to snag a table just in time. Somehow we barely beat the lunch rush and our food comes in record time. We chat about the recent changes at work, our vacation plans for the rest of summer. He asked how Ben and Philip are doing, and when did Ben start kindergarten. Nothing seemed out of ordinary in our conversation. Yes he knew a lot about my life but I knew a lot about him too.

“So Owen, are you seeing anyone right now?” I had to start the real questions before we finished lunch.

“No. Not really anyways. I do have this one girl but she doesn’t seem to be interested in anything more than friendship…another one for the friend zone!” he kind of laughs. He is so sweet and apparently the girls he meets like him too much to ruin that with any sort of romantic feelings. It makes me wonder who he is talking about. If it’s me and I keep pressing this line of questioning he will be onto my game, if he’s not MM and I keep going he might think I’m onto him. Okay so I’m over thinking things a bit. I could be into him but if he is not MM I could be missing out on something deeper. Ugh, this sucks, dammed if I do, dammed if I don’t. I decide to let this go, my quest to figure out who MM might be won’t end in a good way. I’ll either lead people on or expose myself too soon.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you will find the perfect girl for you and your days in the friend zone will be over” I’m trying to be positive without sounding insincere; I really do think what I just said. I hope he finds the right girl.

“Thanks Abby, I think I know that’s true but it feels like every girl I’ve met just wants my friendship and nothing more.” He is starting to sound pretty down on himself.

“You know, sometimes the best relationships start from solid friendships” I really do feel that way, that’s how Adam and I stared. He was offering tours of the campus to incoming freshmen when I first met him. His tour was more personal anecdotes about all of the building then actual facts, but he was so charming and cute. After the tour he came up to me and asked if I wanted to grab a cup of coffee and I said yes. I didn’t really know anyone at the school and he was so nice, so I went. We ended up spending hours just talking, about life, school, our families and so much more. Not too long after that first cup of coffee we started dating.

“I guess I should reevaluate my friend list” he said that with actual hope in his voice.   

“Yea, maybe you could already have ‘the one’ in your arsenal of friends” now I realize my fears, he might think I mean me, so I change the subject “I think we’re running out of time, we should head back. I don’t think your vendors would appreciate being stood up”

“You’re right, let me just grab the check. Lunch is on me today, I really enjoy getting to hang out with you outside of the office”

“Owen, that’s not necessary. Let me pay, I am the one who asked you remember?”

“No way Abby, I think I needed this lunch break with you more than whatever reason you needed it with me.”

“But Owen-“he cut me off.

“You can get the tip” I can tell he is not going to be argued with today so I throw a ten on the table.

“Let’s get out of here, I need to get ready for my meeting” Owen suddenly has the urgency of a racehorse.

“Okay: and with that we are off and back to work by 12:45. We part upon entering the office; I can see three executive looking guys waiting near the lobby so they must be here for him. I get to my desk and unlock my system. Not surprisingly I have several emails from the short amount of time I was gone. I feel like I should have an assistant just to go through my emails, but then I would have had to explain the new one from MM. With a subject line: LUNCH?

So Abigail,

I hope you enjoyed your lunch, I’m sure based on his expression Owen did as well. But just so you don’t go falling in love with the wrong guy, He is not me! I thought you would try to figure out who I was but not so quickly. I hope you do not keep tempting me to come to your desk and make myself known to you or better yet I could throw you over my shoulder and take you away from here for the weekend. I was able to keep away from you when Adam was alive, I had the utmost respect for him and your marriage but now I can’t stand idly by while you try to figure out who I am by having lunch dates and who knows what else. I know you enough to know you are not ready for me or anyone for that matter, please do not rush this, it will happen and when it does I promise you will be happy and prepared for it.

Overly anxious,

Mystery Man.

Is he serious, I don’t know if I am okay with the jealousy thing? Its one thing to be infatuated but jealousy is not becoming on a man. I went though a phase in my life of jealousy, of course I was a teenager and I thought my boyfriend was cheating at every turn but it was ugly. I was ‘that girl’ the one who called every ten minutes, the one who would start flying accusations left and right over nothing. I would not eat for days just thinking that he was out there with any girl who batted her eyes at him. But when we were around each other it was worse, I was clingy and pathetic, I became submissive to him, not in the whole bondage thing and he didn’t abuse me or anything but I became a stupid girl. Whenever he asked for anything I would get it or do it, looking back I was glad it happened so early in my life.

As it turned out I was right, he was cheating on me and with most of my friends or so called friends. I went though a major attitude shift, I became empowered, I knew what I had to offer was a gift and I was not going to let just anybody have a part of my heart that didn’t completely deserve it. But as I said jealousy is not an emotion I like to be around. I write back, maybe a bad idea as now I’m completely heated and ready to go…toe to toe!

Dear Sir,

I hope that what you said in your email was meant as a joke, I do not like when a man in my life is jealous. I appreciate you respecting my marriage and I had hopped that by choosing to communicate back with you that you would know I was at least interested to see where this goes. I am a grown woman who up until very recently hasn’t even had an inkling to jump back into the dating pool, and if by some unfortunate circumstance I find someone who is not you simply because they were not afraid to introduce themselves to me or to mess up my delicate life up someway then that is my decision. You know all about me, you know I am stubborn, you know I would be trying to figure out who you are and you think that sending me an email saying you can’t stand ‘idly by’ is going to somehow make me stop looking you are wrong. I am good at getting what I want and right now I want to know who you are. So do what you will with that information. And please try to keep your jealousy in check.

Abigail

There, that will show him I am not some fragile little child. I was okay before all of this, I wasn’t really putting myself out there and now everything is changing. I still have tremendous feelings for Adam; I have not dealt with his loss as much as I should have. We have two small children, and our families are on the other side of the country so it’s been me, taking care of two small children, trying to get through my life. He has made me come to some conclusions about my life, I have been in hiding. It has been easier to block my feelings away then to face them. And in a few weeks I am taking the boys to see their dad and it always takes me a few weeks to settle back into a routine after we visit. I am not coping well with everything and now I find out MM is the jealous type. This day has been a roller coaster of emotions; I think I’ve hit them all. I am just glad my day is almost done and I can just hang out with the boys this weekend and not think about any of this. It has been the strangest and most dizzying three days of my life in many years and I need the weekend like I need air.

My computer dings at me and I see the email, I wished I hadn’t sent my charged reply, my mom always says to write your feeling then sleep on them, if you still feel the same in the morning then you can send it…why do I never listen to her I’ll never know.

Overreacting Much?

Abigail,

I hope you really don’t think I am someone who can get easily intimated by a woman, of course I know you. I know you more than you know yourself. I know you have been suffering; I know you have no one here to help you. I know that every time I see you I want to erase your pain and make you the happy woman I met all those years ago. I know that my life would be empty without you and while you have had no idea I feel this way it has been enough for me to see you every day, to hear you with your clients laughing and wishing I could sit with you and laugh with you. I am jealous, I will admit it. When I saw you leave with Owen I was hurt, I know you are trying to get to the bottom of this Mystery but I do know that you had second thoughts. I saw you run for the bathroom before you went to lunch; I know you were in there for far too long to only be using the facilities. I can only imagine how much over thinking you are doing about this whole thing, and I would bet that you have already created your list of every guy in this place just to try and figure out who I am. I know this because I know you, I love you and I will continue to keep this a mystery for as long as I think you need me to. I am here for you and if you need to be angry then I am here for that too. I am not going to run away because you think you don’t like my method. And I am sure as hell not going to let you parade around the office with every eligible bachelor in this place. And by the way…Challenge Accepted!

Love Always,

Your Mystery Man…Always

I’m not sure what to make of that, I am not mad or whatever feeling I had when I replied to him but I am something. I don’t know why but he makes me feel safe when all the warning bells say I shouldn’t let my guard down. Is he serious, how he can be so certain, I am a damn mess my emotions are all over the place, sometimes I think I am bi-polar when it comes to this situation. One minute I’m trying to over-sexify my self to flush him out, then I’m terrified of meeting him, he emails me a slightly possessive email and I overreact to nuclear proportions then I’m resenting myself for sending the email in the first place. I cannot believe how crazy this is making me. It’s turning me into a damn hormonal teenager! I am only too grateful my day is over; I forward this email conversation to my personal email and close up my workstation. I have never wanted to get home to my boys as much as I do right now.

Personal Blog ~ Randomness ~ Craziness!

For those of you who came here to read chapter 6 I promise to post it by Sunday...if not sooner. I wanted to get some stuff out of my mind an onto paper or the Internet, not really personal stuff but maybe more observation. Yesterday I purchased Reflected in You by Sylvia Day around noon and finished it up about an hour ago (8pm) I read Bared to You and really enjoyed it. But all of this, reading and writing really stared in April of this year.

 Out of pure curiosity I bought the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and held onto it for a while, it wasn't until April that I stared reading it. To say it all went downhill from there is an understatement. As many friends or family members can tell you I am not very 'Emotional' unless you're looking for anger then I'm your gal. But I've had my nose in some sort of book so to speak since that time. I breezed through Fifty Shades in about a weeks time, then I felt lost so to speak, it seemed like everything in my life was crap compared to Ana and Christian. But then whose isn't, he is a fictional character, he isn't a billionaire obsessed with some fresh college grad but that didn't matter....for a while I compared everything in my life to the story...not healthy.

Then I decided one day out of the blue to write my own story, it's no secret fifty isn't  a literary masterpiece, I think EL James used the word 'clamber' a hundred times but that didn't matter to me it was reading her story then reading an amazing fan fiction take on Christians POV that really got me going. My thought was that what James did was make a story she enjoyed and wrote it in a way she was comfortable writing. So my story was born out of the stream of consciousness type of writing I like, sometimes my character is narrating sometimes not.

Recently I was asked why I was writing a story, for what purpose. I actually have been thinking about that question for a while, and to be perfectly honest I have no idea. After fifty shades I read Bared to You, out of order I also read Effortless and Careless by SC Stephens, the whole Hunger Games trilogy, a whole series, well most of it, called Bound Hearts by Lora Leigh, a story that turned out to be about an alien but not the typical green man from mars or anything, and a few other short stories. A while back I went though most of Nicholas Sparks novels and while I get sucked in every time and cry like a baby as well I realized what these people have done is create another world, a temporary vacation for my mind and I want to do that for someone too.

A close friend said she hopes to see some 'smut' which makes me laugh, I thought about that but it just seems so weird to type words like, well it's even to weird to sample them here...sometimes I think I have the maturity of a fifth grader who just heard the word boobies out loud. But for my story I want it to feel real, in the aforementioned books they are all pretty unrealistic characters. Naive, overbearing, aggressive, etc, not that I don't have feelings for every character in these books. I feel their sadness, their joy, their anxiety everything. I can see the places in my mind the authors describe, I can smell the scents they portray, I get into the stories I read, sometimes to a fault. In Nicholas Sparks books there is always a tragedy and a small beach town in one of the Carolina's and a moving love story. In fifty, to me it's about an unimaginable love, a painful love at best and Bared to You is fan fiction from fifty. Hunger games is the whole dystopian theme obviously and while that series seemed to be the most plausible it's still fiction.

My short story is fiction, it's romance obviously and it's about love...but the characters feel normal to me, like someone you might know, or someone you could imagine being friends with. So my answer becomes I write this for people who want a story that isn't focused on some pert blonde with too big boobs and a small waist, for a person who had something bad happen but they came through the other side, not unscathed but stronger. It's hard to imagine what people think of my writing, I've received only positive feedback thus far and am anxious for when the story evolves and it either becomes great  or a huge mess but I know that I'm doing this for me, I'm sharing this because why not, if you like it you'll keep reading, if you don't you'll stop either way I'd love to hear from you...all of you in the nine countries my blog is being read from. Thank you for taking this journey with me and I'll do my best to keep it coming on a more regular schedule!

Short Story ~ Chapter 5

Chapter 5

After what feels like the longest meeting of all time we are dismissed and head back to our desks. When I get back I check my calendar for the day, luckily I only have two client meetings and three calls to make and that itself is n0ot for at least two hours. I could use this time to catch up on my clients files but I’ve already hit the point where I won’t be able to focus on anything but figuring out who the Mystery Man is.

Now there are several things in my life I’m a perfectionist at and this is one of my favorites. I find the latest employee phone list and use it to create an excel worksheet to help narrow down the field. One column lists the departments they are in, the next column is their names, the third lists their marital status, the fourth column lists how long they have been with NS Turner & Associates and the last column notes if they are wearing Hawaiian shirts since the Mystery Man said he would be in ‘his best Hawaiian Shirt”.

So first is the Debt Counseling team, luckily they only have four guys: Tyler, Anthony, Tristan and Parker. I know Tyler and Parker are married so they are out, even if they were my mystery guy I refuse to be crushed on by a married man. Anthony is new to the company and besides that he is very young, I think maybe only twenty-one or twenty-two. He is very charming and cute which I think helps him acquire new clients but he is still fresh in the world. So that leaves Tristan, he and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I know he is on of the first guys in the company from what I remember Tristan was the one who insisted that debt counseling was just as important as retirement planning. He is about six feet tall and has the most amazing long brown hair, it is just to his shoulders but it always looks so healthy. He keeps it in a very low manly ponytail, sometimes in the light it looks like it has naturally red undertones, personally I am not a fan of long hair on guys but Tristan can pull it off. He looks like he could be a model for shampoo commercials.

Okay, so I have Tristan on the potential list, not too bad so far so I move on to the Real Estate team. Their function is to try to help our clients avoid foreclosure, let them know when it is a good time to refinance, assist is finding investment properties and a whole multitude of other services that I can’t seem to care about right now. Again this team only has four guys: William, Cameron, Samuel and Logan. As I am narrowing down these guys it strikes me as off that none of them go by obvious nicknames. This department is really easy, Cameron has been with his partner for three years now and they have been actively taking about adoption so I’m pretty confident it is not him. Logan and Samuel are married and William is engaged to his fellow team member Lucy. The company is pretty flexible on interoffice romance; the only requirement is that you notify HR of any budding relationships. Somehow now that seems rather convenient. 

My group is next, the Financial Advisors. Even though every client in the company is assigned to one of us there are only eleven people on my team. Of the eleven of us five are guys, of course there is Stephen, and all I can think is “Please GOD NO!” he is too much, he is nice enough and fairly attractive but it would never and could never, I can’t even think about that one…yuck! That leaves John, Max, Daniel and Evan. Well right off the bat John and Evan are out being married and such. Max is more like a dad to the rest of us and he only been here a few years but he does retire next year and I’m pretty sure Margot his wife wouldn’t appreciate him sending me flowers and a bottle of the beach.

That leaves Daniel, now that’s an interesting prospect. He has been here longer than me so that one, he is single so that’s two and since he is nothing like Stephen its three points in his columns. He is just slightly taller than me but not by much, he is nice, a little quiet and yet has the most clients in our department. He has blonde hair, bright blue eyes and has the whole high school quarterback thing going for him. He has a muscular build and is usually dressed to impress. Today he happens to be wearing a nice pair of dark blue jeans, a silk Hawaiian shirt and a pair of tan topsiders, he looks like he could have just stepped off of his yacht, he doesn’t actually have one I think but he looks like he could.

So far I have only narrowed it down to two guys Daniel and Tristan. Next is the obvious department, IT, they are all guys and there are six of them: Owen, Justin, Jason, Isaiah, Christopher and Greg. So Jason and Christopher are married leaving them incompatible to my search. Justin just started dating some new girl in his apartment complex “gosh, why do I know all of this meaningless stuff about everyone”. Greg and his wife just finalized their divorce so I doubt he is the Mystery Man, no actually I hope he isn’t that would be a little too creepy for me. That leaves Owen and Isaiah as potential Mystery men. I don’t think it is Isaiah mostly because he is the newest one here and I can’t say that I ever see him yet alone talk to him. Owen on the other hand is starting to seem like the guy more and more.

Owen is always the one who comes to help when my computer is acting up, he even helped me reprogram my phone after Ben somehow managed to switch everything to Chinese and permanently cause my screens to read upside down, rest assured that was the last time he ever touched my phone. It took nearly four hours but Owen was able to restore everything, even my old and last few text messages from Adam. Sometimes he will just come by to chat so it is possible he is the one, we have shared a lot about each other and we have lunch together on occasion. He is tall, at least six foot two or three, but he isn’t lanky by any standards. He has broad shoulders and a lean waist. I know he likes to work out, he told me once he likes to enter marathons as often as he can. The very idea of running for no real reason seems silly to me, my exercise is keeping up with Ben and Philip. Owen has straight longish brown hair that he always wears to the side, it not really long just average length, why is men’s hair so complicated? Mine is easy, long mahogany brown, at least that’s what the box says. It goes to my lower back and is naturally straight, no layers, no bangs just long boring hair. I’ve thought about changing it but I can’t think of anything else I’d want to do with it.

Back to Owen, I think he is from South Carolina or is it North, I can never remember. Although he has been in California for a long time he still has a slight southern drawl to his voice, more like south adjacent not the full on ‘Howdy Ma’am’ you’d expect. I think he has been here since he was a kid, after his mom and dad spilt up she decided she wanted to be an actress so them came out to California, for some reason they were in San Francisco and she fell in love with the city, I must admit it is no hard to do. So after that they just stayed in the area. So obviously I ‘know’ Owen but I am sure I would have picked up on something by now, right?

The last team are the stock brokers, I’m not sure about them because this is a fairly new group to the company. A few of them have been here for a while just in other areas. The guys in this group are Noah, Connor, Jack, Cole, Brandon and Thomas. First off Jack and Cole are married, and Noah works from an office in San Francisco so he wouldn’t be able to see me do anything like lose weight or storm out of the office. Brandon is gay so that ones pretty simple. That leaved Connor and Thomas. It could really be either one of them, they both stared before me under a general advisor title, I think they actually have been with the company since the beginning.

My phone rings pulling me out of my current task, its Carla letting me know I have a delivery, with no return address like yesterday. She seems to be a little too excited about my incoming mail, I know I can’t keep doing this with her, she is going to ask and I’m not ready to spill the beans just yet. I go to her desk and luckily she is on the phone so I sign for my box and head back to my desk. On the box in bold red letters it says ‘OPEN IMMEDIATELY – PERISHABLE’ so I open the box to find the most luxurious looking lei I have ever seen. It is made with tons of pink hibiscus flowers and smells wonderful. The card on top says:

‘You are far too beautiful to be wearing a plastic lei’

Instead of looking around to hope I catch a glimpse someone a little too interested in my delivery I just slip it over my head and continue my investigation. Where was I, oh yeah Connor and Thomas the last two on my list. Connor is fun, every time we have a company function whether it is a meeting, a birthday, a dinner or lunch he is the life of the party. He is so friendly and I’d bet he doesn’t have an enemy in the world. He is just barely six feet tall, he has short auburn hair that looks brown but in the right light you can see lots of red. He is very tan, but not from a bottle or a tanning booth, he likes to surf a lot. He said he likes to go out every weekend, he even brags how he once competed in the Mavericks competition but I’m not too sure about that one. But I DO know he has the physique of a surfer, but I only found out this morning when we all saw a bit more of him than usual. He decided to come in wearing a grass skirt, sandals, a puka shell necklace and nothing else. He did get everyone’s attention, including mine. With that confidence though I seriously doubt he would be hesitant to introduce himself to me as the Mystery Man.

That leaves Thomas, funny enough he is sort of a mystery himself. Like I said he has been here long enough to fit the criteria and we do talk but it mostly about the stock market. I usually try to steer away from that particular topic, its not that it isn’t fascinating but it just really bores me, I can’t help it. He on the other hand keeps to himself and never goes to company events other than meetings. He is on the shorter side, but not shorter than me. He looks like he could be a spy, his eyes are dark and his hair is dark too almost black. He is one of the only guys with facial hair at the company and it is what I can only describe as overgrown five o’clock shadow, no mustache, no beard or goatee or whatever you want to call it, and its not very long…like I said overgrown five o’clock shadow. Although I am not a fan of facial hair it really suits him very well. He wears modern looking black frame eyeglasses, the plastic looking type. He also always wears a suit and from what Carla has says they are the expensive ones. He has a muscular build but doesn’t look bulked up but aside from how he looks I don’t know much about him, as I said he keeps to himself.

Well I take a look at my spreadsheet and realized I’ve narrowed it down to just four guys: Daniel, Tristan, Owen and Thomas. I just hope I am right about these guys. Once I finish my list I check my work email, after all I am being paid to be here. There is Carla’s meeting recap, which I am glad to say I didn’t ‘miss’ much, Stephen’s joke, today it’s Hawaiian themed and after skimming through I see the punch line ‘Because it’s spam’ – DELETE. One of my regular clients is asking about our appointment next week and a few gossipy ones from Carla about her weekend and Jake, and can I believe what Connor did today. Just as I am about to lock up my computer I get a new email from Mystery Man, the subject reads: Hawaiian Lei

Abigail,

I hope you liked the lei I had sent for you, it was a crazy coincidence that you happen to be wearing the flower in your hair to match, I swear! You look absolutely breathtaking today, it took all of my strength to not come up to you this morning after the meeting but you practically ran from the conference room. I did however see you poke your head over your cubicle more than once this morning, you’re not trying to figure out who I am, are you? Not that I wouldn’t be surprised, you have never been the type to just let life happen, at least not on your terms. I am curious to know if you have figured out who I am yet. Surely you have at least narrowed down your choices. So, will you enlighten me and tell me who I am? I’d love to know.   

Forever yours,

Mystery Man

Haha, tell him who he is, not a chance in hell! I reply to him right away.

M.M.

First thank you for the flowers, all of the flowers; the roses are exquisite and I am still trying to figure out how you managed to drop one with me while I was at lunch. The lei smells so wonderful it reminds me of being in Hawaii, and the beach in a bottle is so thoughtful. I think I like the starfish the most. I did try to email you last night to thank you for everything but I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say, to be honest I still can’t. Your letter made me think about who I was before Adam passed away and I know I have changed, but to be fair, who wouldn’t under those circumstances. I have closed myself off to most of the people in my life and then you came along, I hadn’t realized how much I have been missing, each day the same as before and I had no reason to change. Your attention over the last few days has felt like a wake up call to life. I don’t know how long you plan on being a mystery but thank you just the same. I do hope you don’t wait for too long but I now sort of understand why you are keeping your distance. And yes, obviously I am interested.

Nervously waiting,

Abigail

I can hardly believe I sent that, maybe it was the exactly right thing to say. I still love Adam very much and I have been afraid that if I even open myself to the possibility of another man in my life I would forget him and everything we had. I would forget his laugh or the way he tried to look like he was paying attention when his team was playing. Forget how the boys would break into a deep belly laugh at the very though of the tickle monster being woken up. Forget how he would get the boys up early on Sunday mornings to go to the park so I could sleep in. Forget our lives together, it’s to scary to think about so I haven’t, I just shoved those feelings deep down inside and pushed though my life, one day at a time. I didn’t think I would need to have another man in my life, ever and then MM enters and my whole mindset has changed. If what he says is true and he does really know me as he claims maybe I could walk down that path, maybe one day I could open my heart to the love it deserves and accept the love from another. Maybe the boys would be accepting too. The boys are another reason I’ve shut down, they are so young they will probably forget Adam, they didn’t have a lot of time with him and all I have are memories, lots of photo’s and a few videos to share.

I wonder how it will be for them as they enter school, kids don’t really understand why some kids have a mommy and not a daddy. Sure they get the whole I have two daddies or two mommies but the whole single parent thing might be troublesome. Will they feel left out? Will they grow to resent the fact they do not have a dad to teach them about cars, sports and of course boys biggest mystery ‘girls’! It feels like only now these questions linger in my head, maybe I’ve been trying to be so strong for all of us and never gave a thought to the future, well I most certainly am now.

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There will be more very soon, I have to find a better method for typing out the story as I write it. For now, I only get to type after Myles & Ollie go to bed. I will post again by this Sunday! Have a great week.