Short Story ~ Chapter 2

Chapter 2

‘Breathe’ I am holding my breath and now my brain is demanding me to breathe, but I can’t, he knows too much. After what felt like an eternity, I gasp for as much air as my lungs can hold. He obviously knew who I was but my kids, my last name, the fact I am now a Ms; I still use Mrs. Hamilton it’s easier for me and maybe for the boys though I doubt they even know I have a real name.

I am a wreck of emotions, scared for the fact he seems to know all about me. I am nervously racking my brain to see if my subconscious might have picked him out somewhere, maybe a face to this, someone who seemed to be watching me more intently than just as a bystander. Mostly I am excited, which is quite surprising. I feel the excitement deep in the core of my body, a kind of electricity I haven’t felt in almost two years and with that bring a flood of memories.

As I stare at the screen tears begin to roll down my face, I can usually shake them away dead in their tracks but tonight they pour freely, almost liberating themselves from the depths of my core. In just over two weeks it will have been two years since I lost Adam. He was my world; the sun rose and set with him each day. He made me feel safe, happy, loved and above all else cherished.

I could never believe we were actually married yet alone have these two amazing boys. He WAS ‘that’ guy, you know the type to always be there when you needed him, he would help you move even if his team was playing the Sunday night game, he was the one at the center of the circle at all of the parties, he could grill a mean steak and was absolutely worshiped by the kids. The guys wanted to be him, and many women wanted to be with him. ‘Sorry ladies he was ALL mine’. We got married on a hot August evening and as much as I hate the heat it was the best day of my life. We were surrounded by all of our family and friends, plus a few other guests…mostly the drunk dates of his fraternity brothers.

Now I know every bride says this but he was the best looking guy at that party all six feet of him dressed to the nines in that striking black tuxedo; a flash of white in his breast pocket and the gardenia in his lapel. I could tell he tried for much too long to control his unruly blonde hair as it sat on his head in a look usually reserved just for me. He never wanted to use products so when you have curl to your hair no matter how loose, the curl will always win. His crystal blue eyes caught mine as I made my way down the aisle, it was one of those TV moments, when the world around us faded away to soft fuzz and it was just me and him and the gentle sounds of the ocean to keep us together locked forever in that moment.

“BREAKING NEWS” gunshots heard at local apartment complex, we will be back after the commercial break’

What? Oh, I am still on the couch, my iPad still on that email but my tears are gone. What time is it; I keep losing hours of my day. Am I so programmed that I just skip through events? I haven’t even had dinner yet. Sigh, everyday just like the last. My response to the Mystery Man must wait, I’m starving!

Well being that it is now closer to eleven it has been decided that cooking is not in the cards for me. I settle on a bowl of cereal, oh jeez, if the boys only knew what I ate for dinner I’d never hear the end of it. I finish up and rinse my bowl, unfortunately the only one doing dishes around here is me so I’m trying not to create too much work for tomorrow. I let the news play on about how the local high schools chance at…who cares I’m focused on my reply.

‘Mystery Man,

As I am now well aware it seems you know a bit too much about me and I know nothing about you. I thank you for your concern over my driving skills, but I’ll have you know I have never been in an accident nor have I ever received a ticket. The fact that you are watching me and know mine and my children’s names is highly alarming to me and I would appreciate it if you discontinued contacting me.

MRS. Abigail Hamilton’

Well, not exactly what I really wanted to say but it’s better to get this out now. I don’t have time for a crush yet alone a stalker. ‘Ding!” my iPad notifies me of and incoming email just as I am about to turn it off for the evening.

‘MS. Hamilton,

Thank you for voicing your concerns, I would hate to start this without knowing your true feelings on the matter. But I cannot simply walk away, I’ve wanted to be with you for so long I can’t just let you slip away without even seeing what I have to offer, without at least giving us a chance to try this out. I have been admiring you long before Adam passed away, and your courage the past two years all alone with your boys has been inspiring. I remember the spark you once had in your eyes and I’ll be dammed if I never get to see it again. You see Abby, I love you and I will try everyday to show you how much. I couldn’t take seeing you upset day after day, slowly shrinking down to nothing any longer. I had to make my move, the first step so to speak. So please don’t delete me from your life, I promise I will make you whole again.

Always yours,

Mystery Man’

I hadn’t realized I was holding my chest; my breathing was slow but hard. Who is this guy, why does he care about anything I do, he doesn’t even know me how can he love me. Surely if he really thought I was in so much pain he would have tried to contact me sooner. Shrinking? Really, what does he mean by that. I’m finally at my goal, a size 5 and he thinks I’m shrinking! What does he know…well apparently a lot but I can’t, its’ not right! Who is he?

I am now wide awake, I can’t believe this happening. My husband just died, I have two kids, I am barely alive anymore and this guy swoops in and throws my humdrum life on its head. I grab the last bottle of chardonnay from the fridge and my favorite mug ‘World’s Greatest Dad!’ and fill it up. I need a break from thinking right now and wine seems as good an idea as ever. I think I drank half the bottle with that one cup but I really don’t care. I turn on the tonight show and pass out!

***

So just after six am on Thursday I finally throw myself out of bed, although I am sure I passed out on the couch last night I guess my auto pilot works even in my sleep. I not totally late yet, but I won’t have time for my marathon shower this morning, just a quick scrub down but somehow it is enough; I manage to pull myself together in fifteen minutes which reminds me of my high school days…hitting snooze until the very last minute. I haven’t slept this hard since I was in high school and it feels great! As I prepare for war with the boys I walk into their room and they are just sitting on their beds talking. Not a single fight this morning, just happy kids who very loudly wish me a good morning.

Today I don’t have a care in the world, if I make to work on time that would be great but I can’t say that I care either way. I’ve managed to check the boys into daycare just before seven and make it to work with five minutes to spare. I refuse to question my morning; it was the easiest I’ve had in forever, I would be lucky to have that happen again.

Work is the same, but today I am not greeted with an unwanted email. Thank god, I am not sure I would want to deal with that today. For some reason the office starts to buzz around ten thirty, I decide now is a good a time as any to take a break and see what the fuss is about. I grab my change and head for the break room, as I get closer to the group of my co-workers I can see why everyone is chatting. At Carla’s desk is a huge bouquet of light peach roses, at least two dozen. What a lucky girl, she just recently got engaged and her fiancé loves to send her flowers, Jake is a sweet guy, he has no idea what he’s getting into, as I chuckle to myself. Carla is a firecracker! I head straight to her desk to congratulate her again and the group quiets down to the point that we could be at a play together.

“Abby, you didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone!” Carla’s voice breaks the dead silence.

“I’m not”, why is she shaking her head at me?

“Well whomever you are not seeing, surely wants your attention, these beautiful roses are for you!” she seemed to exaggerate ‘whomever’ a bit more than I care for but I have to say something.

“Oh” is all I can muster, I look around at my co-workers and they all look sad, yes I know it’s been nearly two years but they still see death when they look at me. I can’t say I’ve really tried to get back to normal, like I was before the accident but I’m not exactly a mess either. Am I?

“Thanks Carla, I’m just going to grab a soda, can I keep these here for a minute. I’ll be right back.” I don’t really want to face her again but now I’m really parched.

“No problem, they smell amazing. Jake is sure going to hear about this tonight!”

Poor Jake he won’t even know what hit him, he already gave her the moon but women and flowers delivered to the office is a BIG deal around here. It almost always starts a riot. The crowd had disbursed and I grab my daily fix…Ice cold coke!

Luckily Carla is on the phone when I get back, she tries to stall me by waving her fire red manicured hand at me but I don’t want to talk to her about these, I need a minute to process them myself, so I grab the vase and head back to my desk.

I have to admit they are the most beautiful roses I have ever seen. They are bloomed to perfection, their color is my favorite; they look pink but they are indeed a soft peach with the ends of the petals a shade or two darker as they fray from the bud. They smell exactly as they should, soft, inviting, delicate and pure. I take a long deep breath to really engulf my senses and now am a bit euphoric. It’s the first time I’ve had flowers sent to my office that didn’t look like the standard condolence bouquet. I almost completely missed the card.

"Peach roses represent sincerity, I

meant every word I said last night”

M.M.

Of course they are from M.M, that makes me laugh, a bit too loud I might add. But the thought of him telling some flower shop girl Mystery Man must have scared him a bit. I’ll leave it at that; I am enjoying these far too much to be concerned or upset. I’m having a great day and I’m in no mood to screw that up!

Today I’ve actually managed to keep track of my time, its lunch and I’m feeling great so I head out, the day is too perfect to stay inside, and there is not a cloud in the sky. I make it to the park across the street and the guy with the sandwich shop on the corner greets me warmly as he prepares my usual, Turkey and cranberry. While he is making my sandwich we make small talk about the weather and how it’s not been too hot this summer so far, how his business is doing, how my boys are doing. He seems genuinely interested in all of his customers which probably explains why he’s stayed in business after so many corporate sandwich shops have popped open nearby. He finishes up and throws in a bag of chips at no charge as he winks at me…he never gives anything away…ever! I pay my bill and thank him for his generosity and then slip a five dollar bill in his tip jar. I don’t think I’ve smiled this much in, well forever.

At my usual bench in the middle of the park I set my stuff down and start to really enjoy the scenery. It’s not a big park and it doesn’t have a playground or anything but it is a quiet spot to people watch while I enjoy my lunch. Normally I work straight through lunch so coming out here is a treat and it feels like a long deserved one at that. It’s not as hot today as it has been this past week which is a relief to me. We are so spoiled in California, I am not sure we even have seasons out here. The weather is either perfect or just not as perfect, our trees green sooner and stay that way longer, and the hills don’t turn brown until summer is in full swing. All in all, it’s a little slice of heaven.

I hadn’t really realized how beautiful everything is today, maybe more so than ever before. The trees look full of life as several birds provide a symphony for my lunch. The constant parade of people before me has a gentle way about them that I’ve never seen before. No one is rushing, or yelling and no one looks angry which is something I usually pick up on right away. Maybe the earth is in some sort of calming constellation, whatever it is, it is a great day.

As my lunch break nears its end I start to collect my stuff, next to my bag I notice something that wasn’t there before, a single peach rose, just innocently placed on the bench next to my purse. I feel warm all over instead of panic, overwhelmed with joy where anxiety should be. All of the rational voices have left my mind and I am now feeling cherished. I look around and there is no one in sight, my personal parade had ended and the park now looks deserted. I grab the rose, my bag and head inside, somehow this rose smells even more amazing then the bouquet sitting on my desk. I’m not even sure how that is possible.